i’ve been grasping at all kinds of metaphorical straws lately. i don’t have any desire to write. when i don’t write, i feel guilty. when i do write, i feel awful because it sucks. i have nothing funny to say at all. and now my word program has some bug in it and doesn’t save things, so everything i did write today was lost. sweet. that was probably for the best.
everything is wrong. i am trying, very sincerely, to be thankful for all of my blessings, but in the last few weeks, i feel like my nose is being pushed into a cinderblock wall and all i can see is gray.
i keep wondering why it’s so sexy for musicians to be lonely and depressed; why sad songs are ones that we all seem to relate to and sing with. but when there’s no music or lyrics, when it’s just mind-numbing sadness for no distinct reason, just a bowl full of problem cereal, it’s much less appealing.
i was headed to bed tonight with no blog post. nothing to say. just before closed my computer, i clicked over to dooce to check in with my eternal mentor, heather armstrong. will wonders never cease. she wrote this post about seasonal depression. that, along with the comments that follow, really helped me tonight.
sometimes all you can do is put one foot in front of the other and keep hope alive that one day soon, your shoe will land in a happier spot.
October 3rd, 2011 at 9:06 am
Karyn, I think we all went right over to read Dooce and her story about Autumn Eqinox. She has a good point. Many comments as well. If you fit into this pattern please seek medical advice. Sometimes a few months a mild antidepressant is all one needs to get around this bend in the road. But don’t hesitate seek proper advice. Keep writing. Writing will help you to sort out your feelings and put a timeline on them. This will be beneficial to your healing process. Know that you are loved by many. We look forward to your bright witty blog and comments about life in NY and stories of your past. You are a true delight and don’t ever think otherwise. If I had your number I would be calling. Just know that you are in my thoughts. Your friends will be calling… Please talk to a professional. Sending huge HUGS!
October 7th, 2011 at 3:08 am
I just came across this now, as I’m lying awake under the blanket of insomnia. Seeing how several days have passed since this post, I do sincerely hope you’re feeling better! In any case, I think now would be the perfect time to let you know that your writing – in tweets and on Thought Catalog – helped me overcome my own feeling of emptiness. I was in a very dark place because of certain events in my life, and also, because of the way I chose to react to them. I knew that most of the people close to me wouldn’t understand it, so I kept it all in. As cliché as it sounds, reading your articles made me realize that I’m not alone, that it is OK to feel. I also really admire you for being so honest, for not being afraid to remove your shell and show your soft side to the world. As cheesy (we’re past cliché at this point) as it sounds, it gave me back my faith in humanity (a certain very toxic someone has really contaminated it). You once suggested that in order to put my feelings onto paper I should drink. A lot. I was really looking forward to meeting you at the Thought Catalog gathering and buying you a drink, if only to make up for harassing you on Tweeter
Please please please don’t feel down! You’re an amazing , genuine human being, who is absolutely adored by those around you.
October 7th, 2011 at 10:09 am
at a time when i’m having a hard time writing even my name, this comment is MUCH APPRECIATED. thanks so much for taking the time to write to me. next thought catalog party – they’re monthly – we must meet! xo