i’ve been grasping at all kinds of metaphorical straws lately. i don’t have any desire to write. when i don’t write, i feel guilty. when i do write, i feel awful because it sucks. i have nothing funny to say at all. and now my word program has some bug in it and doesn’t save things, so everything i did write today was lost. sweet. that was probably for the best.
everything is wrong. i am trying, very sincerely, to be thankful for all of my blessings, but in the last few weeks, i feel like my nose is being pushed into a cinderblock wall and all i can see is gray.
i keep wondering why it’s so sexy for musicians to be lonely and depressed; why sad songs are ones that we all seem to relate to and sing with. but when there’s no music or lyrics, when it’s just mind-numbing sadness for no distinct reason, just a bowl full of problem cereal, it’s much less appealing.
i was headed to bed tonight with no blog post. nothing to say. just before closed my computer, i clicked over to dooce to check in with my eternal mentor, heather armstrong. will wonders never cease. she wrote this post about seasonal depression. that, along with the comments that follow, really helped me tonight.
sometimes all you can do is put one foot in front of the other and keep hope alive that one day soon, your shoe will land in a happier spot.